quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
