Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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