We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
