I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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