that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
