I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
