TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
