Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
