i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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