I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
