maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
