I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
