Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
