That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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