Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
