All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I want a musical about memes.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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