I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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