Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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