I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
