I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
