so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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