i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
