and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
