he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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