yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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