Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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