So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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