O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
