so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
