Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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