well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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