I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
