Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
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