Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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