he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She announced her abortion via fbk
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
