First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
