note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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