You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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