found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
