I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
