I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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