If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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