Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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