I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
