umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
