Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
