nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
