I want you more than these girls want KFC
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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