The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
