Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
