Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
