..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
