i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
