cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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