Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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