Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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